So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
