I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
