He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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