If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
