I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
