A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
