I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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