Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Randomize
