HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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