There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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