don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
