I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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