just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
