You can't special order awesome
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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