There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize