Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
