I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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