At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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