i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
