i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
