you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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