So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
