You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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