I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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