He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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