At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
