why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
