I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize