He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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