I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
