I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize