my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
