dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
