he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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