my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
