my shit smells like andre
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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