He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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