So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize