I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
