do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
