my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
