mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
