Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
