Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
