Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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