I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
