and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
