Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
