i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
