pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
