Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
