i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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