What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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