Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
