You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
