so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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