so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
