idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
