I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
