you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
