Will you blow on my dice?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
