Do you still have your period?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
