We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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