I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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