No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this boner is exhausting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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