when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
