im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
