I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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