This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize