Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
