I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
