Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
