We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
