Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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