I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
