I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
