i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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