I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
