Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
