I hate your face
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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