I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
