I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
