they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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