Pants 0. Shit 1.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
