Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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