singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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