i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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