I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
