I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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