So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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