i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
