did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm at about main and main street
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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