i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
