ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
