So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
