Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I just put wine in my tea
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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