Whod you bang
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize