all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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