1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
