Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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