he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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