Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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