Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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