watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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