She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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