Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He kissed a someone with a penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
