i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
