Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize