Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
