and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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