I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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